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finished another skirt commish the other day and now i've started on another in a different style. A steampunk long skirt that will also be practical in peach. it's a nice dark peach and not too soft and the fabric is beautifully soft. it'll be a pleasure to make.

Dolly wise, Dollzone sent me a new body for Zaph He's finished (again) it's a paler colour to the original and closer to his head colour too. He's back. My angelic priest with a calming influence on everyone is back. i couldn't stop grinning the other day when he arrived. and his legs are straight too.i kept wiggling his feet, he actually has some back after all this time.

i'm so tired. i'm worse than ever with the m.e and i'm not getting any rest. dad is as deaf as ever and just getting louder. neither mum or dad seem to realise the effect it's having on my stress levels. they're through the roof. monmouthshire housing were as helpful as shit and said i had no housing points, even though the last letter said i did have some, not a lot but some. i refuse to sleep during the day as long as possible, i can't do anything at any other time of day or night because i'd get yelled at. how the hell am i supposed to acheive anything? and mum goes on about my quality of life.

the doctors here are also shit. i'm still waiting to see the foot people about the pain in my foot and then as my gp is hopeless i get bumped up back to mr llewellyn again. poor guy must be sick of seeing me. that is if i ever get an appointment.

people who are up themselves...

they really tick me off.
I'm talking about those people who start out by sounding/believing that they know everything about a subject.

Anyone who actually knows ANYTHING realises that you never stop learning and things constantly evolve, and personal perspective doesn't mean squat in actual information on a subject.

it's amazing that people post things that make them sound like they have their head stuck up their arse and then wonder why people go WTF? at them...

anyhow enough guff...
i have another commish!
from the lovely wren on brassgoggles. an unusual shaped skirt with underlining in cream muslin, 3 layers of the stuff and an overlayer of chocolate brown...i also have ideas for the back drapery. it's going to be lovely :D

now i just need to learn a few more airbrushing techniques before i can paint on cogs and things to give extra depth to the design.

i finished the waistcoat and i'm proud of it even if it's not perfect.

stuff innit

well, for once in my life i feel like i'm achieving stuff and the not so good stuff isn't dragging me down as much as it usually is.

I've been rewatching Sherlock Holmes...the complete box set, over 39 hours @_@ i have 2 discs to go yet and been enjoying one of my fave and muchly missed actors. Also enjoying the nostalgia it brought with memories of happier childhood times.

I've only read 4 paper books in the last year which depressed me, but then i've been into my audiobooks while i sculpt and sew and i've listened to 9 nightside series about 4 times i loved it so much, 4 Rachel Morgan Hollows series which is the current set, the series that Vampire Diaries is based off (tv show is SO NOT ACCURATE to the books), the Southern Vampire Mysteries, otherwise known as True Blood from TV, ALL 9 BOOKS, so yeah i know what happens...O and the Undead and series of books, i love the shallowness of the main character she's brilliantly written. long ago i read 2 of that series and it was great catching up.

I've been sewing...i completed a commish yesterday. Steampunk shabby chic waistcoat. I made it from linen i had in my stash and dyed it and used a victorian pattern system to make the pattern to measure. I'm pretty pleased with the results and it looks quite good even if i say so myself. I also have another commish in beginnings so hopefully it will be steadyish.

While i was in the sewing mood i got a couple of dolly things underway as well. I really wish i could sew chiffon, i love it so much, but without an overlocker or something i always muck up the edges >
today was not a good day and was a good day in another way
MAJOR brain fog in a big way. I burned chicken soup if you can believe that XD talent even for me.

Yesterday i had my brother and his missus argueing, well screaming at each other actually and my niece and nephew in tears because of it. Needless to say it was over something stupid and it upset my niece a lot, i was cross they'd fight infront of her. Not so much my nephew as he's too young to understand any of it.
I had mum and dad arguing this morning over the mind games that woman has been playing.
On a better note i tried to talk to david and gave him the gwent alcohol project card that dad kept by his stuff. He actually made an appointment to see someone. An improvement on how he was going at least.

The outfit i bid on for Hatters Little Shiwoo arrived today, damn cute it is too, just needs some shoes so i'll have to look for some that match. shame my wig making skills aren't up to scratch to set the outfit off. She could also do with a headband with a bow on...

tired tired tired

feeling really depressed and exhausted.
I had nightmares all last night.

During the day i was feeling quite festive and almost went out to get tinsel to jazz the place up a bit with, had the radio on and listening to christmas songs and feeling positive about christmas for once.

Even after the fit and all that shit from my brother he's still drinking.
For gods sake the kids could be in the car with him.
He promised me when i had my worst moment years ago that he wouldn't end up like dad. (as he was at the time, he's actually recovered now and i'm proud of him.)
Now he's the same.
A shitty, lying worthless arsehole.
But the difference is DAD wanted to get better, my brother couldn't give a flying shit.

Because he was pissed his cow of a missus has refused (actually qute rightly for once) that the kids wouldn't be going anywhere with him. Thing is, it's dad birthday today and the kids bring him so much pleasure. So now dad is depressed cos he hasn't seen the kids in 2 weeks.

Mum and dad have been arguing about my brother, mum keeps wanting me to be okay but i'm falling apart. I honestly can't cope with this again. the house is depressing and everyone is stressed, i've hardly left my room in 4 days.

I HATE alcohol and what it does to people.
I hate feeling so useless
i hate christmas and holidays and being alone and useless.

what the hell next?

Yesterday i find out that my dad has fractures down his spine. Nothing they can do to fix it and he could be crippled from just slipping over.
Then today i find out that the big court case i'm involved in has gone in the banks favour. O great so no hope of EVER getting any of my money back whatsoever.
What bloody next?
I'm so fed up of everything.
venting my spleen here

why is it that as soon as things reach an equilibrium and there's just enough money to go round without panicking then the shit hits the fan and something else happens?
This time my brother has well and truely fucked up.
Apparently he's been drinking. After all we went through with dad as well he goes and does this. Drinking, stealing and lieing.
How can he?
I know there are problems but anything but this. I really don't know how mum is going to break the news to dad. How could my brother be so selfish? I'm so angry and sad.
I couldn't eat any food because of this.
I get so stressed i can't eat..
I'm so angry.


well once again i've been neglecting the lj, oopsie and i had been doing so well.
been restless and easily annoyed lately and lacking in creative motivation.
also been kinda antisocial, i just feel exhausted talking to people, physically and on msn, it's been quite tough and people must think i'm being a right nobhead.
Mum thought she'd found me a brilliant offer on a sewing machine today, but there was just something iffy about it and i wasn't totally sure. it's alot of money to spend when the one we have works and is just as good if a bit clonky.
I started using up some of my fabric stash as well which is a good thing, too much fabric and in small quantities that makes it hard to do something useful with.



well would you look at that...it just seems like the other week i was 20 and back from high wycombe and here i am at another birthday 13 years later thinking where did the time go?
Wow.  i never ever thought about being this age. i could get depressed and say i'm **years old and not in a relationship and don't have a job, but i am so lucky for so many reasons and if there is a God up there, he certainly isn't on my side, but neither is he that against me. *waves to possible deity*

I've been pretty busy since my last post. My computer died on me after a major virus so i hauled ass and figured out what was wrong and how to fix it. And here i am on my fixed and slightly faster computer.

I bought myself the Sims 3 on preorder before my birthday as a treat for myself and am really addicted to it...it doesn't have as much to do yet as apartment life did but it's as funny as ever.

I got a funny bag with cats on from cyprus from Sue A. a box of chocolates and a visit from my nephew and niece and Underworld rise of the lycans from mum and dad with a box of blank dvd's for all my sims 3 extras i'm sure i'll be collecting soon.

I've been sculpting bjd heads again as the motivation returned and i also bought my resin and my vinamold white for making the moulds from. I went to go and melt it today to do the first head but the smell was strong inside the house and i didn't feel comfortable after that so i stopped. Dad is going to pick up a camping stove for me tomorrow at his work so i can do it outside. Hopefully the alumilite natural will arrive this week as well so i can make a first cast.

I miss the Wii as i feel so unfit and chubby, i think i'm going to save up for one and get the wii fit as well as the new ea games personal trainer thing.

If anyone wants a Lumedoll Saiph, brand new and NS let me know. I love him but he doesn't really fit in so needs to go to where he can be spoiled with attention.

Shu should be coming over tomorrow for dolly talking and cake, LOTS of cake, i really should tidy but i'm on strike now XD

tra la la Coconuts

Been a while since i last posted.
Been making a few sock animals and posting them up on my etsy shop Zakkadreams, been making a little blog on blogspot Perrenialdreamer and wondering what to do with my days.
I miss everyone on Nest of Butterflies forum. But then with our service providers being so shite and we kept having to move it's hardly suprising that no one came back even if the new one is a free forum.
I miss rpg'ing. everyone had such novel and funny ideas, it was always worth waiting for posts.

Had an asthma attack last night. my first in years. i'm so tired now and my back hurts from coughing. At least i've done something constructive today and finished off scanning in some apportioning scales for someone to draft a victorian suit. So at least 1 thing accomplished today.

i feel like i want to draw, but no energy.